Its funny the way the mind works. The mind can and does protect the person. The brain controls all the bodily functions, the work of the organs, etc...and the brain can and will put "devastating memories" away. Repressing them, because knowledge of those memories can be critical in the life of a DID person.
DID is not developed because a child is spanked or made to sit in a corner when bad. DID is not developed because the parents fought and yelled at each other, or got divorced...
DID is developed when there is "unrelenting abuse, and the child literally has no one to comfort them, they have no safety", so the little brain, splits into personalities that can handle a situation that adults are not there for. This is a defense mechanism. A child does not deliberately do this, it just happens...
The thing about remembering repressed memories is this: The memory being presented is the memory of a child...not an adult. It is a child remembering the abuse. So, you have to be mindful that what you are hearing are the memories of a small child, not the adult reciting those memories. So much of the time, the memories sound convoluted and not "factual" because its a child...a child perceives things differently than an adult.
For example: remember that huge slide in the playground you use to play at as a child? In your adult mind you remember that that slide was so high and scary. That is the memory you have, the memory of the child in you.....LATER, you as an adult, visit that playground and see that "huge" slide...but the slide is not big at all...why? because you are an adult and looking at that slide as an adult...not as a small child....You could say, that your memory of that "huge" slide was repressed and when you do remember, that slide scared you...but upon seeing the reality of the slide...your memory was accurate for a child, but not an adult.
All DID memories are from abuse as a child...Alters take those memories because a Childs brain simply cannot deal with that huge scary "slide"....so the memory of that slide is taken away, repressed. Then as an adult, working through traumas, the slide memory will then come forward to deal with. Too put reality to the slide "its not that high at all" and then the alter with the particular memory can see that the host is safe and can speak freely of their fears, or whatever. Once a repressed memory is realized and dealt with and talked through, only then can you move forward. This is healing.
Most of my memories start with dreams, disturbing dreams, and when a memory is starting to unfold, it makes sleep impossible. I may go days or weeks before the memory is finally revealed, but in that time I am not sleeping...my mind is trying to accept the fact that I have to deal with something horrendous....not only me, but also the alter holding the memory...I, the host, along with the alter have to be listened too, and worked with. You cant just work with the host, in DID you have to work with the whole system. Each one, individually. And for that to happen, there has to be trust. If an alter does not trust a person, then that person will never hear the memory or speak to that specific alter...its not safe. Without trust, there is no safety.
Also, as a side note...too many times a memory is revealed, and the adult simply cannot believe the story....it is to "fantastic", no way that could have happened...and then, guess what? The alter will never speak to that person again. And the host is left with fear, rejection, etc...and never has healing, can never move forward.
I still have so many memories that I have not dealt with, in fact, Kevin knows of a memory that I have yet to remember...how? because the alter told him of that memory, warned him, it was coming...when will that memory come to fruition? I have no ideal except that when the alter feels comfortable enough then I will get the memory....the alters work in their time, not mine, the host, or Kevin, the advocate or the therapist...their time does not matter...its the alters that control when, where, how and why that memory will be revealed. You cannot hurry up a memory, it has to be organic.
Sparrow
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