Having DID is not conducive to friendships or relationships. It is hard, confusing, maddening, bizarre and frankly hard to believe. And because of those very reasons, people with DID usually hide in a "closet". No one believes their stories....no one understands the outbursts or weird personality change, no one wants to talk about uncomfortable things...and they are ignored.
That was me. I was married for over 30 years...throughout those years, I was in and out of therapy, but never correctly diagnosed...just given meds for this or that...I had some memories of my childhood and when I would try and tell my husband those memories, he would "act" like he was listening, but his response after I told my story, was always this "I need to pray about it"....and it was never addressed again.
PRAY ABOUT IT????? Another time, I tried to tell my step dad about my past abuse, and he said "we all make mistakes", "you have to get over it and move on"....
GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON?????
How does a person get over it, when they cannot even speak about it, work through it and get closure or even an "I am sorry"...Not one person in my family has ever apologized to me, no one has ever acknowledged their parts in my story...NO ONE
So DID killed my marriage. DID killed my relationship with my mom and step dad...DID killed my whole way of life, as I knew it...now I have a new reality, living with DID.
As a DID person, growing up, I was ignored, ridiculed, called a liar, a cheater, a sinner, I was abused emotionally and mentally along with physically as a child...I was called "quirky" and dismissed as the 'crazy" person....Did these relationships with family and friends last??? NO
It is damn near impossible for a person with DID to actually have a lasting relationship with anybody...it may seem fun or cool at first, but then the "honeymoon" phase is over, and reality sets in...the reality is this "triggers"....Negative triggers kill a relationship, because first, we are not sure what it was that triggered an event, then we are not allowed to work through that trigger, we are pacified or medicated to stop the behavior, but we are never understood.
I have lived a lifetime of bandages being placed on my wounds, but the source or infection of the wound is never addressed. Until now....
For whatever reason, Kevin is not afraid of DID...he is not afraid to learn about it, to listen to my frankly, graphic memories, he is not chased away by bad behavior or violent behavior from me, or the alter that is fronting...he is not freaked out, by the obvious personality changes I go through when switching or when another alter is out. He just hangs with and talks with that particular alter like they have always been around and he grew up with....another friend...haha He listens to them, then tries to make their life easier and more pleasurable. Then he informs me of them fronting, what was said or done, so I will not be left in the dark. There are times when an alter tells him something then asks him not to tell Sparrow. And he honors that request, that is why they trust him.
He likes to say, he did lots of scientific tests on me to see if my DID was real....well, I will say that my alters have tested him in the same way...to see if he is real....and because he has not failed me or my alters, they trust him and believe he is real...a real partner, a real friend. Someone they can trust with all the horrible shit that they have to deal with from the past.
Obviously, my family and x husband failed their tests, and that is why those relationships have fallen apart.
It is not fun having DID. In fact, I fucking hate it. But, it is my reality so I have to accept it, learn to live with it, and trust in the man who is there for me/us.
Sparrow
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